I write to you as a well-wisher; even though at times I wish to punch you hard in the face. Well, it’s a letter so I shall be as polite as I can be.
Just to remind you,
I used to be in love with you. I loved you more than anything else in my life and you know that as well. There was a time when I thought I couldn’t live without you, every love song reminded me of you, every moment I wished to spend with you. I was in love, madly in love with you.
You were the most attractive person in the world for me. You were perfect. No pair of eyes, that nose or lips would have won yours. Every time I’d see you, I’d melt with shyness and couldn’t even bring myself to look at your amazing face. So, I would rather see your pictures at home and admire your beauty, smiling to myself.
I always had expectations which I concealed, because I thought my love would be enough for both of us. I longed for that warmth in you which I never got but was always ready to give. I thought my love would change everything but it never did because my love meant nothing for you. The purest form of my emotions meant nothing to you at all.
So, here we are now. After years. Apart. Living pretty good. Well, at least I am; I am not quite sure about you.
I now laugh at the moment when I thought I couldn’t live without you. I am living perfectly here. Some memories have gone from vivid to faint, and many, just disappeared. It doesn’t even matter anymore. When I think back, the happiest moment of my life wasn’t when I was in love with you; it was when I realized I didn’t love you anymore. Those years of my life when I suffered for you, I longed you, I wished for you…suddenly didn’t matter.
You seemed pretty average to me. I found many faults in you. You weren’t even attractive! Well, yeah. #Burn!!! I was a fool to have loved you because you certainly didn’t deserve my love at all. There are so many people around me who love and admire me. Rather than giving that love to them, I gave it to you?! I wish to go back to my past and beat my younger self black and blue.
My experience with you hasn’t been a loss though. I have now started to love myself more. I have started to take care of people who love me. There are scars but they just remind me of my stupidity and nothing else. I wouldn’t be who I am without you and that term is: strong. There were plenty of times you made me feel I wasn’t strong enough, not worthy enough. I always underestimated myself for who I was. But now dear, without you, I realize how precious I am. It feels like you were weights in my ankle and stopped me from being who I was but now, I know my potential. I am, in a way, grateful to you.
I am glad it didn’t work between us. I wouldn’t have been able to live my whole life trying to please you, feeling sh*tty about myself. I am glad to have understood the love, the pain, the oblivion. I am glad to have experienced different shades of myself. It might or might not have helped me as a writer but it has definitely helped me as a person.
I am happy now and wish you are as well. To tell you the truth, I wouldn’t mind you suffering a little time to time. Well, you can’t expect me to be an angel after what you’ve put me through, can you?
So, my long-lost love… I don’t love you anymore and I love that fact. I am happy without you and glad to be apart from you. You were once the center of me but you don’t even matter anymore. My long-lost love…Thank you for everything, even though I really wish you break your bones. Thank you for not being there with me. Thank you for not falling in love with me. Thank you for teaching me that your judgement doesn’t matter. Thank you for not answering your phone when I needed you. Thank you for not being there with me. Thank you for finally being a nobody to me. Thank you for making me fall in love with myself. Thank you for everything.