The jack of all trades

Some call me multitalented, some call me all-rounder and some call me bee as I wander around tasting each and every flower in between. Praise from every side when I make them the food, requests to paint their walls, their helmets, and even themselves. They see me as a genius who can excel at anything I do. But little do they know that I am a Jack; not a master. I am an apprentice; not a veteran. I am vague; never precise.

I don’t know who I am, what am I made for or what shall I do in the future. I am directionless. Where is my path? There is nothing as such; it’s just a vast ground. There is no decision. I couldn’t even decide what concentration subject I should choose in my MBA. After several weeks, I chose the subject that was also Jack of all; entrepreneurship. But still, I have no clue of my future, whatsoever. I’m on a journey to find myself, but I see no ways ahead.

I fail. I fail a lot. I fail miserably. I try one thing, fail at it, go to the next and fail again. Some failures have been massive and heartbreaking, whereas some have been boon in disguise. But, I still do fail. I stand up with all my fresh wounds and ask myself, “What the heck am I doing?” “Do I need you?”, “Shall I give next one a try?” and the failure continues. Rather than searching for the things I am good at, I seem to be looking for things that I am absolutely worse at and keep on failing. And even in those areas that everyone thinks I excel at, I fail the MOST at it!

People know me as a great cook; which I am not, to tell the truth. I burn things, I experiment and make the most inedible thing the world. I just try to cook better every time but never get satisfied as I never find that ‘WOW’ factor. “It’s okay” is the response in my head most of the times and I seldom reach the ‘Yum…’ point. People tell me to get started in the cooking business, but do I really have that talent? I doubt it.

They know me as a good speaker, but my voice still trembles in front of the people. I mess it real bad at times, shattering those expectations of others.

They know me as a good painter, but nothing that I draw was initially intended. I draw and paint like a 5-year-old!

Self-assessment is a nightmare for me. A week ago, my teacher asked me to write on a sheet of paper, which asked, “What can you provide as an individual or a professional?” The sheet still remains clean. One of the reasons I hate interview is that they ask the question, “Why you?” And I still can’t find the answer for that. There is a saying in Korea which even Psy sang in Gangnam Style, “Ttwineun nom, khu wiie naaneun nom” meaning, there is always a person flying above the running man. And I am not even running, but wandering around trying to find a path. You ask ‘Why me’? ‘I don’t know, recruit other people! There’s actually no reason for you to select me.

But, there are a couple of things that works awesome, being Jack of all trade. While talking to people, I barely have to search for the common ground because I already have a bigger ground. I can make many friends and get a free gift from the foreign shopkeeper just by conversing in their language. I can try many things, fail at it and be proud of it. Imagine a professional messing those things up like me! Imagine me working as a chef in a restaurant and burning my dish?! I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself then. I can only do that because I am a Jack of all trades.

I am still young and have a lot to explore. I have lots to fail. Maybe I won’t ever find who I am and what I am made for. Maybe I’ll keep on burning that dish. Maybe I’ll keep on ruining that painting. Maybe… But at least I will be happy. Even though I will not be able to face that interview, even though I will get hurt at times when people say I have no goal in my life, even though people will trample me in the things that I try…I will still be happy and a proud Jack of all trades. Because I am not a master…and not even looking forward to be one.

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4 thoughts on “The jack of all trades

  1. People who make the choice to study, work hard or do whatever they endeavor is to give it the max on themselves to reach to the top level. And you have the people who get envy and jealous, yet are not willing to put that work in, and they want to get the same praise.

    Liked by 1 person

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